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Concerned Citizen and a Serial Entrepreneur wrapped in a progressive democratic soul longing for us all to get along.

Friday, July 29, 2011

Today is Friday, July 29th

Catching up... Thursday was Brokers tour day.  Saw 2 amazing beach front homes and met a new client late in the day.  Home to bake some panko covered snapper with red peppers & fresh corn on the cob... mmmm

Today was the day for T's labs and great news!!!  T is holding steady on his white cell count and has actually had a boost on his red counts!!!  We are looking for T's highest good in whatever we find out next Friday at Stanford.  T will have been off chemo for 6.5 weeks by then.  His white count will probably have to be at 2 or above for the next phase to start.  We're looking for the best outcome for T... with or without chemo...

Let go and let God!!!

Please keep T, Roddy & Jennifer in your prayers as we are....

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Today is Wednesday, July 27th

Tuesday, I'd tried to donate an older camera to a colleague traveling to Zambia to teach tech skills to orphaned children with AIDS BUT T had already freecycled it.  He's been a freecycling maniac lately... don't know what he'll donate next...me?

Since I had another sleepless night, Wednesday started much later than normal... I finally fell asleep after writing my blog.  Missed the Breakfast with the Mayors.  I'm finding it very hard to keep focussed on anything or anyone other than Tracy and his needs.

Did some marketing stuff & paperwork, details kept me engaged.  Luckily, Jan came by to work on our bodies and after that, who cared?  Channel surfing we found the Gershwin Award to Sir Paul McCartney on PBS and we both were captivated.  Lots of Paul's songs interpreted by many fab artists at the White House.  Singing along with Paul, Elvis Costello, Stevie Wonder and many, many more lifted our spirits as only music can...

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Tuesday, July 26th

Office meeting this morning with guest speaker, Kathy Hartman, our Santa Cruz County Association of Realtors CEO.  She presented info about our Association and upcoming events.  There's a breakfast with the local Mayors on Wed. morning.  Paul made a pitch for Old Republic Title's new iPad app & I'll make an apt with Karen to get the password.  Then, the best part of the day...The fab four, Lorraine, Marilyn, Vicki & I toured our new listings together... oohed & ahed over a new Seacliff beauty and ended up at Cafe Cruz for a birthday celebration.
Lunch Beauties: Vicki, Marilyn, Birthday Girl & Lorraine
I am soo thankful for the support and camaraderie of friends!!!  I had the seafood medley and there was enough for Tracy to share.... we talked biz, bonded and relaxed ... we're all stressed out for one reason or another... life has become complicated.  I thought growing older meant less stress... apparently not.  Thank God we have a network of support!

On to pick up a new shampoo for stress related thinning (gal suggestion) and finally, a new phone for T.  Radio Shack was out of the "go" phone I wanted, but the AT&T store had it and it's exactly what T needs.  A phone that makes calls without all the bells & whistles...  Let's see who drops this one in the water first...  we do have a history with water and phones...

Tracy drove himself to get his labs done.  He called to say his white count was lower but his red count was great.  I'm very concerned that Tracy's neutrophil count is steadily sliding downward.  What are we waiting for to start the Neupogen?  Are we trying to see how low he'll drop or bounce back?  We don't understand what it is we're doing right now.   He's told he's borderline neutrapenic & not to hold a party.  I am very worried....scared really.  I keep crying.  I've emailed Dr. Wu's office for a clue or two.  Meanwhile, I'm clinging to T... trying to keep a happy face while he's very quietly resting & accepting.  T looks good!  His color is great and his hair is growing back slowly but surely.  It may even be salt & pepper.  I'll take a photo later today.

I think I'll stay home and make him breakfast... but first I'm going to try and sleep a little more... 

Monday, July 25, 2011

Sunday July 24th

OK, So we all know it's Monday but I'm still celebrating my birthday....sort of... a day off to try to get all the technical crap out of the way and relax with my honey...

What an amazing weekend!!!  I am so thankful to be here in this place with my love and feeling loved...  I wasn't exactly looking forward to advancing another damn year but it certainly beats the alternative.  We're all on the right side of the dirt!!  Tracy has been surprising me in oh so many ways....

Saturday was a full on work day.  I showed 13 (my lucky number) homes to a wonderful UK couple and enjoyed helping them see the possibilities.  They have some homework to do in order to figure out what will work for them as a second or full time home and I'll be there to help.

I came home to my honey and we ate another bowl of fettucine with marchegiana sauce and then, we decided to make the Strata.  Linda had given us this wonderful brunch recipe several years ago and Thursday, an Italian Realtor friend gave it a name as she served it up to we starving Realtors on Brokers Tour.   Layering Italian (recipe calls for white bread but I'm hopelessly Italian) bread, cooked Italian sausage, grated cheddar cheese (champage cheddar was delish) and then, 6 beaten eggs with 2 cups of milk ( I used soy milk).  We left it to marinate overnight in the frig and popped it into the oven for about 50 min. @350 degrees on Sun. morning.

What a wonderful lazy Sunday full of surprises!!!  I was born very early in the morning many moons ago and I decided to make it a day of leisure this year.  I spoke with my family & very slowly greeted the day.  Unbeknownst to me, my T had been very busy.  I came downstairs to a dozen beautiful red roses and a pile of cards laid on top of a wrapped present.   We set to work in the kitchen... T made the coffee and I squeezed some oj, & made a protein drink.  I wasn't in any hurry cause I was fooled by the size of the package.  Usually, Apple packages are elegant and much larger than the item enclosed.  Well, I was on the phone with Johnny & Shar when I unwrapped the end of the package and saw a silver Apple.... the dam burst and I could no longer speak... my honey not only had written 2 beautiful cards, he'd managed to get an iPad2 engraved for me... I'm so thankful.... we'd cancelled a possible brunch gathering cause there was no way to have Tracy exposed to the number of people we'd wanted to invite.  Also, I just didn't have it in me to entertain upwards of 20 or more... I'd been putting names on a list and in the middle of a sleepless night, I realized it was just plain stupid.  T & I would make it a day...  So, man were we surprised when Carla & Jayne appeared bearing many gifts ( a gorgeous blouse, an Italy boot charm, an iPad cover and bag, a floor mat, Italian beans & spices, peach & cherry pies, bagels & cream cheese) and itching to walk on the beach!!!  The Strata went in the oven and we sat and chatted and looked at Jayne's Tuscany photos on her iPad... never did make it to the beach.

  I was bowled over by my emotions continually choking back tears throughout the day.  The thoughtfulness of my dearest & oldest galfriends astounds me.   They knew that they would be missed & decided to surprise us.. Then, Jayne gave T his birthday present early.... his very own iPad!!!  OMG!!!  0 to 2 in one day!!!  What a phenomenal day full of love and good feelings....  Thank you one and all for your kind notes, cards, calls & emails....

Onward and upward cause life is what we make it!!!

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Today is Friday, July 22nd

Great news!!!  Tracy insisted that he drive himself to have his labs done this morning!!  I had an early appointment with Michael for my hair ritual and T decided he didn't have to wait for me!  Freedom for T and me!!!  I have to admit I was sitting on pins & needles until I heard from our guy... first time driving on Hiway 1 in 9 months and then, would he need blood and therefore be neutrapenic again??  We were hoping for the best outcome and that's what we got!!!!  Tracy's counts are holding and he's rejoining the land of the living... got to do something about his phone soon.  The bag holding the dead phone & all it's accessories is  sitting in the back seat of my car waiting for a solution....

I spent the day at the office.  2.5 hours of mind numbing crap trying to get my email hosting straightened out.  I so miss having Tracy handle all of the techie stuff.  He's so good at it and I'm just impatient for it to work without me trying to figure it out.  Just a bit more now and it will all be straightened out, but T would have done it in no time...  oh well...  Take a look at my new website - double click this link:  http://AnneMarieSellsHomes.com
 and please let me know what you think...  Spent the rest of the afternoon working on the details of Saturday's tour.

Went home to celebrate... Linda & Jim picked us up and we returned to the Hindquarter after at least a 10 month hiatus!  We sat outside by ourselves on the front patio and T enjoyed his baby back ribs... what a wonderful early evening and a true return to the living for our T!  He ate the entire full rack of ribs with a beer and had a huge smile to boot!

We're looking forward, acknowledging the past and living the present.... no one's going to rain on our parade!!!

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Today is Thursday, July 21st

OK,  I'm guilty... jam packed last few days and that's a good thing.  I made Tuesday's office meeting and toured with Lorraine...everyone has their crosses to bear and we all get through the day with a little help or a shoulder from our friends.  On to Costco, where I learned that there was nothing to be done for Tracy's phone.  Yes, folks, I washed his new phone... it's nice and clean but it no longer works.  So, I need to find an old phone or a cheapie and put his SIM card in it.  Supposedly, that will work.  Oh well...  so, I picked up our food staples and headed home to stock the pantry and then, have a blessed massage.  Tracy was already under Jan's loving hands and his color is so much better as a result....  Gary stopped by and we all chatted until the calzones were ready and then, we shared some bites too.  Shower and bed were very welcome...

I slept a full night and actually felt human again on Wed.!  It's amazing what sleep can do for the soul.   Wed was a full day of work - a comparative marketing analysis & putting a tour together for Sat. with my new client.  I took a break so T , Riley & I could walk around the neighborhood.  Then, I made my version of Marchegiana meat sauce and T & I relaxed and watched a little TV.

I keep trying to focus my thoughts on positive outcome for our boy... keep that white light coming, please....

I'm off to the dentist...

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Today is Monday, July 18th

Busy, busy Monday and once again I'm awake in the middle of the night... so it's really very early Tuesday morning... just read some UCLA info on how to prevent Alzheimer's .. it's not too late ... who would have thought apple juice, coffee & internet searches could help?

Met with a web guru who is helping me to update my website... transition will happen very soon.  Amazing how satisfying to find a solution that works & eliminates some tedious tasks for me.  I'm a happy girl...

T's white cells were a little lower but we're on a wait and see plane... here's hoping that he bounces up again.  We do a recheck on Fri.  He seems stronger & more with it & very sweet.  That abrasive stubborn streak has left the building along with Elvis....

Book club tonight amongst the Corralitos redwoods... great food & discussion & I enjoyed the red wine...

I'm gonna try to go back to sleep....

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Today is Sunday, July 17th

So, a very nice restful weekend was had by the McAnellis.  We enjoyed a quiet Saturday... expanding walks led to Tuscany and a respite with Linda & Jim while Riley kept sniffing for that pesky raccoon that had dug up Linda's petunias.

Sunday started with a visit to a possible Seacliff listing and home to relax with T.  We read the papers and I finally made it back to exercise with our Wii ...a few tennis matches and after about 40 min. I caved.  It had been a very long time since I'd checked in.  I forgot how good I felt as I broke a sweat.

T's dahlias are amazing.  The more I pick, the more buds open...
Love to all as I spend the last week of one year and embark on a new one next Sunday...

Friday, July 15, 2011

Today is Friday, July 16th Part 2

OK so T's white cell count dropped to 3.5...no one's worried and he won't be back on Neupogen quite yet.  I'd like to see that going up or staying steady but it is what it is.  He'll be checked again on Tues.  Here's hoping it's the same or better...

Returned home to reconcile accounts and medical bills and then... and then.... we went to Bittersweet Bistro for an early dinner with Tom & Jan...T's first outing to a restaurant in over 9 months!!!  Wow! What a pleasure to be served outside on the patio.... The wind started to pick up as we were debating dessert and T was ready to retire so, we acquiesced and I'm sooo glad to have had a grown up dinner out!

Good night and sleep tight!

Today is Friday, July 16th

Let's catch up... I actually slept last night in spite of the full moon!  Yahoo!

Thursday I decided I needed to get out and look at the new listings since I'll be showing homes next week to a new client.  Being aware of the inventory is very important and one of the keys to success in real estate.  Thank God for Marilyn... she drove even though she hadn't gotten much sleep either.  That full moon has mesmerized quite a few of us... I really have to put some thought into why I'd leave T alone for the day.  He's become very needy in his quiet unassuming way...  the rash is gone!  another thing to be thankful for... and then Jan arrived to give us both massages.... OMG!!!  Her hands are golden!!  Tracy looks better as his spirit is lifted.  The healing nature of Jan's massage is evident... T has a pink tone to his skin....Thank you God for Jan!!!

 I relaxed and let it all go and said good night to Thursday...

This morning we'll see what T's lab results are... I'm betting he doesn't need any blood or platelets.... keep your fingers crossed and keep sending that white healing light...

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Today is Wednesday, July 13th

OK so it's really Thursday and is it a full moon yet?  Something woke me at 3AM and since I can't seem to get back to sleep... here I am....

Tracy seems like he's getting stronger little by little... the ugly bright red rash has almost completely disappeared!!  He's eating and walking around the block... we need normalcy...  Tom stopped by and shared a glass of wine as we started our dinner.  He voiced the same need... He's recovering from esophageal cancer and he and Tracy have the same complaints about weakness after radiation.  He has sought alternative treatment in addition and he's doing a lot better now but doesn't credit the alternative stuff much at all.  He is pushing exercise and T hears it.  I'm advocating massage too... we'll see.  Tom says acid reflux may have contributed to his condition.  Quite a wake up call!

I'm soo tired... I'm going to try to get back to sleep now....

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Today is Tuesday, July 12th

We received great news yesterday:  Tracy's white cell count dropped to 5.3 BUT that means his own bone marrow is working again!!!  He hasn't had a Neupogen shot since Thurs.  Hallelujah!!!  His red blood count was 10 so, our guy is making a comeback!!!

I hadn't slept at all the night before (apprehension?) so, upon hearing the news we came home and relaxed and I made polenta and black beans and we retired early....

I played hooky today... why not?  Made French toast with Artisan bread mmmm and read the paper side by side....  awhile later, I posed the question beach? and T responded the dog park with a walk around the polo fields (a long trek for T)... T even DROVE!!!  I was a nervous wreck but he did very well.  A little bit of liberty... he knows he has some freedom...  On our return trip, I suggested a ride by the beach so we ambled by Rio Del Mar which was packed with people and 3 new volleyball courts.  T is now resting after a late turkey sandwich lunch.  He's been sleeping peacefully since we came home.  Riley is standing guard.  No more annie banany bars for Riley.  They weren't my best (the bottom burned 'cause they were on the bottom rack of the oven) so, I've been giving them to Mr. R.  After I collected his presents today, I threw the rest out.  I'll have to ripen some more bananas and make some that are good enough for my T.

I'm very emotional.  I seem to cry over nothing....  I'm going to enjoy T this week.  He's decided that he doesn't want to go anywhere (we had talked about going to Santa Barbara).  He wants to stay home so, I'm going to try to get him to laugh and enjoy his space....  love to all

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Today is Sunday, July 10th

We slept soundly last night and finally gave in to Riley this morning.  He was ready to greet the day and he wanted company.  Made scrambled eggs, fresh squeezed orange juice and coffee as I tore myself away from re-reading "The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society"... thankfully there are tales that demand reading more than once to refresh the soul.
Off to my Open House at 106 Mar Vista where the dolphins weren't visible but the sun and surf sure were as I sat out on the deck and finished my book.

Home to my honey, reading the Sunday papers on Sunday...amazing and after our veggie burger, fresh corn & zucchini dinner; I made creamy rice pudding for the first time....mmmm  definitely won't be the last!

The McAnelli's are sated and satisfied.... we've decided to ignore the Stanford doomsayers... Tracy has created his reality throughout this ordeal and he's going to continue ...   Carpe diem!!

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Today is Saturday, July 9th

This was a wonderful day even tho' we barely saw the sun...  I turned off my phone when Carla & Tim picked me up for lunch.  Tim suggested the Bittersweet Grille...he'd heard about it from a friend in San Jose!  Well, I hadn't been there in a very long time.  Amazing it's in the same Rio Del Mar shopping center with Deluxe and CVS and you can sit outside with your doggie even... so we all had a bloody mary and burgers with a choice of toppings and then, we shared a fantabuous chocolate mousse on a chocolate praline wafer with berries, chocolate sauce and real whipped cream...mmmmm  We sat and talked for a couple hours and then, picked up light bulbs.  Before they left, Tim climbed the ladder and was able to change the bulb in the water closet. (I'm too short even with the ladder)  Let there be light!!!

 T & I cuddled on the chaise the rest of the afternoon into the evening with our Riley... A wonderful relaxing Saturday.... may there be many many more....

Friday, July 8, 2011

Today is Friday, July 8th

The roller coaster continues but are we having fun yet?!!!

After my Board meeting this morning we ran to the Dermatologist who removed my stitches and checked T's rash and we were all very excited.  The ugly angry red rash is receding!!! So, we'll continue applying the prescribed steroid based cream daily... made a bet with T that he didn't need any blood (altho' he wouldn't take the odds).  I'd noticed T looked much better this morning...his color wasn't grey...

So, next stop was Dr.Wu's office for labs and lo and behold!!!!  T didn't need any blood and his white cell count was over 9!!!!  .5- 9 in a week!!!  That's what no chemo and Neupogen daily did for T and of course lots of positive support....

Thank you one and all....

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Today is Thursday, July 7th

Tracy's rash looks better...all of a sudden it's fading.  Those big splashes of red angry welts are disappearing and it's about 6 days since he stopped the Dapsone.  Who knows?  We may have done the right thing.

Lots of good real estate news on the horizon.  2nd viewing on Toledo on Sat.  Brian's Short Sale just may work.  New clients may write an offer on an Aptos cutie.  After broker's tour today, we filled out disability paperwork...talk about depressing.  I decided we needed an Italian meal and since we had some bananas that had almost black skins... annie banany bars went into the oven with the lasagna (I confess, store bought lasagna).  It felt great to bake a Tracy favorite and see him eat it.  We've been watching the Cooking channel non-stop...Where do they get their ideas?

Tracy's Dahlias ( I got the bulbs and he planted them so they really are to his credit) are in full gorgeous bloom.

All is well tonite with the McAnelli's....

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Today is Wednesday, July 6th

Can we get a do over?    I awoke thinking about a play we saw several years ago at the San Jose Repertory Theatre,  Control Alt Delete.  All I remember was we laughed a lot at the ease with which we can avert disaster as we type in the ethernet.

So, we've started the process of applying for Social Security Disability with the help of a Blue Shield contracted agency.  Why am I skeptical?  What I've realized is we should have applied 3 years ago, when T started becoming ill after he would start a job.  We were so complacent, accepting the benign neglect of the doctors.  T had suffered with his episodes for years and was never given a reason.  We just blindly accepted and kept moving.  There is nothing we can do except fight now.

T needed platelets and blood yesterday so Dominican took care of T.  I sorely needed my chiropractor and after checking in on T, went home to stretch out.  When I picked T up after 6, he was refreshed, his color was good and he was relaxed.

I realized that all the movies and media articles about our state of affairs has given me a new attitude about politics.  I now think that although most folks become politicians because they believe in trying to do the right thing, somewhere along the line power corrupts.  The fact that our nation's debt ceiling, hence our government's viability is being used as a political ploy to portray this administration as inept in order to win the next election is just unacceptable.  Talk about throwing the baby out with the bath water!  Doesn't anyone or everyone see that the top 1% of the wage earners are now calling all the shots?  The Supreme Court is now so skewed that Corporations have more rights than individuals!  The middle class is being squeezed out of existence and the politicians are just eager to 'get theirs'.  They're all on the take whether it be lobbyists writing their bills and paying for boondoggles to explore possibilities on a golf course in Scotland or creating bridges to nowhere.  I'd start looking for a new country but I don't know of another country that doesn't have the same crooks running the show.  I believe that until we rise up and say no instead of blindly accepting we all get a terminal disease.  I'm disgusted with my health care that cost 60% more and dictates when and where Tracy can receive what he needs to live.  I'm disgusted that Congress wants to lower the mortgage tax deductibility thereby threatening the one tax hedge the middle class needs to exist and the Real Estate market needs to survive.  They keep saying if the Bush tax cuts on the rich are eliminated there won't be any incentive to create jobs.  Well, excuse me BUT where are all those jobs they've been creating over the last 10 years while they've been getting a free ride????  Come on people... let's wake up!!!!

If each person would take the time to write an email to the President and their Congressional Representatives and Senators, telling them what they believe to be true... and be willing to stand up and declare their truths... we might just tilt those windmills.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Today is Tuesday, July 5th

I've been up for hours, just lying in bed trying not to think.  Been playing Moonlight, pushing myself to score big... like that would fix everything.  Tracy is lying beside me and Riley is now sleeping soundly after a very upsetting night... Riley just doesn't like those infernal fireworks and they seemed to go on for hours ..so much for a tight lock down in Rio Del Mar.  We watched the 4th of July DC extravaganza on TV and tried to calm Riley down but the local show was spectacular and the noise made Riley crazy...Poor thing...he was exhausted trying to protect us from those loud noises.

Sometimes I wish I could just stay in bed forever.... I have a nice slug station set up... all we need is room service.  The fog has enveloped our world and  our bed is cozy and warm and I don't want to think anymore.  I keep hearing "put one foot in front of the other" and that's exactly what I'll be doing as we go for T's labs after an apt. with Social Security this morning.  T hasn't been checked since Fri after a platelet infusion on Thurs.  He had resumed the Dapsone with the immediate reaction being the rash has spread everywhere so, he's now switched to Mepron.  Let's hope that stops it.  T isn't on any drugs right now other than his Synthroid, Mepron & Neupogen.  He's stopped everything including sleep aids... certainly a lot easier to keep track of... Of course we've got our fingers crossed that his Neupogen refill gets processed very quickly.  We're in limbo waiting for Bruno? to process the paperwork.  I must have asked him 5 times on Fri.... let's see what it takes to get it done...  in the meantime, we'll go to Dr. Wu's office for a shot.  My fight has left the building... I'm tired, emotionally spent... and still we go on...fighting the good fight.  T is worth it.  Later this week, if the weather holds, I'd like to drive T down to the beach.  He needs to see those gorgeous dolphins playing in the surf... I've been very lucky.  Saw them from my open house on Sat. and while walking with Carla on Sun.  They're frolicking in the waves teasing us to celebrate life whatever that shapes up to be....

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Today is Sunday, July 3rd

I've had no words for several days.  The world stopped on Fri.  We had a candid conversation with Bruno et al and we have a lot of work to do.  If I were back in my old high tech HR role;  I'd put both these two Doctors and their Nurse Practitioners in a room and let them duke it out and make sure we'd get a resolution that worked.  Instead we have two egos that just don't and won't cooperate.  Bruno says they just don't have the expertise and Wu says they just won't cooperate.  So we're stuck in the middle.  Bruno suggested another doctor to coordinate with but that's an avenue we just don't have the energy for.  While T has a break from chemo we have a much bigger job.  We have to build him back up.  Everyone's in agreement on one thing and that is Tracy has to be strong enough to tolerate the next phase of the protocol.  Today he's not.  Bruno is adamant that there shouldn't be more than a month break because the effectiveness of the treatment is linked to the close integration of each phase.  That means T's counts have to be raised substantially.  That means building up his core by eating, exercise and faith.  We will continue to have T's labs drawn here in Santa Cruz during the break... BUT it looks like T will, if able, continue treatment at Stanford.  I don't think we have a choice.  The next phase consists of IV chemo given on days 1, 3 and 8 etc.  and then, the 4th and 5th weeks consecutive days of IV treatment.  T will need very close monitoring by Stanford and we'll need drivers.  Once we know when he's ready to start,  I'll put a schedule together and ask for help.  We'll need you, our extended family.

We are trying to think positively about the prospects.  Frankly, I'm stunned.  The thought that Tracy wouldn't be strong enough to continue had never really occurred to me.  The alternative is not something I'm willing to entertain.  So, we are slowly moving forward.  My T wants to start living again.  He's tired of being sequestered.  So, we'll build up his white cell count so, that he can be exposed to more people... hopefully.  We need all your love and support so, please keep that white healing light incoming.

Happy 4th of July!!!  Carpe diem!

Friday, July 1, 2011

Today is Thursday, June 30th

I just awoke to an overwhelming fear of loss.  We had a "come to Jesus" meeting with Dr. Wu and Kellye today.  I feel like I'm the proverbial deer caught in headlights.  I am stunned.  All this while, I've felt as though Tracy was making a comeback and getting stronger every day.  He IS stronger.  He just can't seem to get his white cell count up and he needs blood and or platelets weekly.  Dr. Wu, in his candid realistic way, said that we needed Stanford to captain the treatment.  He could administer the next protocol but he believes Tracy has to be MUCH stronger and his counts have to be a lot higher.  He strongly believes that Tracy needs to really question going on with the next protocol.  T should have a couple months off to get back to himself and have a life before beginning another phase.  As Dr Wu put it in his inimitable way,  " if the goal is to have clear bone marrow and Tracy dies with clear bone marrow, then what was the point?"  We believe T is in remission but not strong enough to manufacture his own blood.   He needs to build back up as Dr. Wu said, "So you look your age again. After all, if you only have a little time left do you want to spend it doing chemo?"  So, tomorrow or later today, we need to ask some very hard questions:

Is T  stage 2 or stage 4?
Is this curable knowing what we now know after 8 months of treatment?
What is the point of the ongoing chemo?
What is the consequence of taking several months off away from treatment?
What would be the consequence of not continuing treatment at all?
Is this protocol going to kill him?

Can you convince us that there's a good reason to continue after a break?

Tracy will make the decision about his treatment but only after we have the facts.  We need Bruno to captain the ship but we need some clear answers.  Stanford is a university hospital and they never hear stop.  I feel like everything comes down to this and I don't know if I can handle the truth.  I fought back tears and grabbed Tracy's hand as Dr. Wu unfolded this unexpected tale.  He & Bruno have butted their heads over the Dapsone episode.  Bruno wanting to abandon ship & Dr. Wu admitting that he's not a Hematologist & needs Bruno to captain that ship.  I hope we can resolve all this today.  After all, we learned Bruno just got married.  He should be in marital bliss right now... what's a little hiccup along the way....

Send us your strength and courage to face the truth whatever that may be....