About Me

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Concerned Citizen and a Serial Entrepreneur wrapped in a progressive democratic soul longing for us all to get along.

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Today is Wednesday, March 25th

Day by day I feel stronger and then, the wave rolls in.... enough of that.

Life has become more interesting.  I've made some new widow friends and that is very satisfying.  We all intimately know those ups and downs...

I'd like to share some great news!!!

1.  Tracy's outgoing message on our voicemail is recovered!!!!  or maybe I should say uncovered?
I couldn't seem to figure out where the computer message was coming from.. Comcast had canceled our VM at my request and still, this message kept on interrupting phone calls by answering on the first ring.  Finally, I happened to look at the base for an additional set of portable phones on T's side of the bed (we have 3 sets of portable phones in our home so, if we needed help, there was a phone nearby BTW: you can't seem to buy portables without answering capability).  The light was flashing and there were 19 messages on it.  We had never used that as our answering machine but somehow the power loss triggered it into use.  So, this morning after a restful sleep; I decided I needed to put a new message on VM.  Called into it first and there was Tracy... We're the McAnellis again!!!

2.  The Property Mgr. has found a new renter and I couldn't be happier!!!  A family of 5 who own La Manzana bakery in Watsonville will move in on April 1st.  Yahoo!!!

   Day by day... here's a bit of prose that rings true for me:

"This is my journey.  I am the one who knows what I've lost.  I am the one left to live this life, and I have to discover what's possible for me."

Here's to the journey!!!  

Thursday, March 19, 2015

Today is Thursday, March 19th

Technically, allowing for fewer days in February, Tracy is gone 6 months and 28 days.
 I’m finding it hard to have the words to write lately.  I have had some really good days & then…

We had our 3rd power outage over the last several weeks… lots of broken and falling branches which snag power lines right in my little hood.  So, Sat. another one and finally, the power comes back on.  So, I notice that when I venture out; there aren’t any messages on my digital machine.  Then, I notice on Mon. that when I try to answer the phone, the digital machine here in my house AND Comcast are trying to give a message AND Tracy’s message is not one of them.  I shut everything down and push way too many buttons and am immediately hysterical because Tracy’s outgoing message is gone.  No longer are we the McAnelli’s and it takes 2 days to stop crying.  I do realize it’s not the end of the world, only my world.

Having said all that... I do have wonderful times where I put my head into thinking of other things especially work... and finding anything and everything to avoid my tax preparation.  The beauty of the coast is amazing right now... clear crystal blue skies and calm water...

Life does go on and I feel very proud of myself for finally figuring out my water heater ( I played with the timer on the booster? and my MB shower head valve so it now works) ah a shower where I'm not holding the wand cause it's set up way too high for a very tall man .. the programmable lights that adorn the front of the house and managed to fill in the 20' abandoned but resurfaced well in my front driveway.  I do feel like I'm coming back as I miss Tracy's all knowing intelligence or ability to figure it out, his wit, his presence and conversation and his loving arms...

They say I'll get to the point where he won't be uppermost in my thoughts... hard to imagine... 

I know I miss the male presence and alternative view... 

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Today is Wednesday, March 11th

It's raining and I'm so grateful... time to catch up and to be grateful knowing that through all the tests of will and strength and fear... I shall survive!!!  Sounds like a song...

Lots of news:  #1.  Riley-  Here's my conclusions and the email I sent to Lea & Dr. May (our new Vet)Hi Dr. May,

After monitoring Riley’s water intake for the last 5 days,  I’ve found he’s not drinking more than 2 Liters a day.  I’d like to postpone doing anything else at this time.  I need to spend more time with him and allow him to get over his grieving of my husband… spending more time with Riley will help me too.  What I do realize is we’re thankful to have found a new Vet. that cares.

Dearest Lea;

OK  after the ultrasound and the urine culture and a lengthy conversation with Dr. May:

1. rule out kidney infection
2. not Cushings disease unless very rare- atypical
3. normal adrenal glands
4. nodules in liver are well defined- not suspect- benign -  liver size is normal

Next is what you suggested:  measure water intake and take a tsp. of urine in for testing each day for 3 days as I taper his water intake after the initial 3 days of measuring intake.  Warning:  too quickly reducing water intake could precipitate death.   i think I’m into this...

Also suggested:  see Int. Med. Specialists- board certified

Also biopsy & x-ray lungs to rule out cancer

Now after lots of introspection and after my experience with doing anything and everything conceivable to save Tracy;  I’m reluctant to continue doing anything.  Riley is very comfortable altho’ I think he’s grieving and has been grieving T and the vet agrees that his excessive water intake may be psychogenic polydypsia and this could rule out central diabetes insipidus.   If so, my question remains what about his quality of life?  while we put him through all this stuff - he was not himself last night after spending the day at the vet’s office and being shaved etc.  I feel that had we known that T only had 3 months left T would have elected to be home - walking on the beach rather than being tortured for 3 months.  Ry has puppy like energy and loves his walks on the beach and seems to be happy so, do I really want to pursue all this?  Is this just me being too nuts?

So, I've elected to just let Riley, the wonder dog, be.  He gave me a scare last night-  acted like he'd had a stroke or at least a bad muscle cramp with nightmares.  I made him comfortable, he drank a little water and walked with him 'til he was able to rest comfortably while I massaged him.  Oh my boy...

#2 Rentals:  I am oh so grateful to be able to have gotten them back into shape - still some exterior painting and repairing to do but later, once I've gotten some income.  I've found some wonderful helpers in the interim and I'm very grateful for that.  I just hired a Property Manager (a Realtor I've known for about 10 years) and if 105 isn't rented by May 1st to a responsible party of 6 max; I'll sell the duplex.  Finally, a decision!!!

#3.  MRI yesterday on my knee.  Meet with the Ortho Fri.  Physical therapy 2x a week started last week.  May need arthroscopic surgery on a torn meniscus.  We'll see.

#4. Getting back to living the life I have now.  I feel very lonely at times but I just read something that reminded me that I traveled alone for most of my life.  Just have to get out there.  There's so much to see and do and I just have to seize the moment... carpe diem... one step at a time....

Thank you all of my dear friends and family for supporting me through this tragic loss.  I know you are mourning him and our shared lives too, in your own way.  I am soo grateful for your presence in my life...