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Concerned Citizen and a Serial Entrepreneur wrapped in a progressive democratic soul longing for us all to get along.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Today is Tuesday, December 11th

December has arrived in all its splendor as our lives have taken on new meaning....  We are oh so alive!!  This holiday season which began with Thanksgiving and will culminate with the New Year has been joyous!  I can't even express how wonderful it is to slowly regain our footing and rejoin the rest of you in actually taking part and experiencing each and every day.

We've had boisterous blustery storms blow through the coast and the last few days have left very large numbers of Humboldt squid stranded on the shoreline.  It's weird..

Squid next to T's boat er shoe

And here's one of our mornings on the coast...

Only one disappointment for me...  I made a bas relief of Cenz from a photo I took in '89 in the Louvre where life imitated art

Unfortunately for me, Cenz decided not to be captured for now anyway... I arrived at the studio on Fri. only to find my piece had blown up in the kiln... happens sometimes... but I can't help but think my Cenz didn't like it and decided I should do it again...

Love you all... be safe and enjoy!!!

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Today is Saturday, December 1st

Wow!!!  It's been awhile...  As we welcome December and all that it brings, we want to acknowledge the gratitude we feel for the month of November and it's tidings....  November was truly a month for Thanksgiving!!!

After the election, we settled in to our routines and started to accept that our cancer journey was almost over.  We also celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary on the 24th.

Tracy and I have survived!!!!  It's been grueling, frightening and totally absorbing BUT the end of treatments was oh so near and oh so dear....  We had the fight of our lives and we have come out the other side:  VICTORIOUS... WE WON!!!  Those thoughts have consumed me and stifled me from even wanting to express them in writing... the thought that I might jinx the outcome kept creeping close to the surface... I know that's crazy but you know a lot crazier things come to mind when I think about the Big C....   the fight after all was mind boggling...  I wonder how many healthy cells I killed just by the fear and anxiety and stressful ever present reality of Tracy's travails.  There were times when the responsibility of keeping the flame of life going with my T were way too much to bear.  Way too many times where he hung by a thread and I bore witness and fought as hard as I've ever fought to keep him going...  after all it was a good fight... we survived and T is a new man.  The gentle soul of my big bear has returned along with his humor and his new outlook not without lots of scars and residual aches and pains but my T is back.   The most important thing we both embrace is he's alive and his indomitable spirit has survived!!!  I can't even say all the lessons we've learned about who we are and what we can do BUT we are so thankful for it all.  I can't say I'd ever want to repeat it... although who knows what the future will bring? and that in itself scares the hell out of me.  The journey was a perilous adventure  and yet the lessons we learned will remain for all of our time on this plane...

The weeks leading up to Thanksgiving and T's last treatment became an opportunity for me to wind down.  I finally acknowledged that I needed a break and some rest and relaxation.  I took the most relaxing vacation I've ever had.  We stayed at home and just enjoyed the time to lay back and read, watch movies and recharge.  I stocked up the larder and proceeded to lodge my car in the garage and pretty much unplug.  T even read to me!!!  I feel the 20 years I aged over the last 2.5 creeping off me slowly but surely and the stress and fear subsiding cause at the end of the day we survived!!!

I have this overwhelming desire to celebrate and slowly my friends we're going to celebrate with each and every one of you!!!

T will continue to be monitored by Stanford and our Bruno will keep a watchful eye. We return for a bone marrow test after Christmas and then, we see Bruno in January.  We encountered the head nurse of the ITA (treatment area) on Wed. and Sandy was a welcome sight.  She reminisced with us about a memorable meeting last year some time when T was insisting that his 103 temperature was caused by standing too closely by the fireplace... and by my finally breaking down in tears and admitting that he'd had a raging temperature all night.  T ended up in a hospital stay with ultimately, good results... Sandy embraced each of us and we all teared up as she admitted that that was the story she told lots of scared patients because just look at Tracy now!!!  Terry stopped by to double check T's chemo and he said he almost didn't recognize him cause "he looked like shit"  back then...  Wow, we have survived...

A year ago I didn't know if we'd make it to today but yesterday,  we had another kind of adventure...

We enjoy our daily walk down to the beach with Riley each morning and yesterday, was no exception...even in a torrential downpour.  We were bundled up with rain gear on top and I chose very light pants with my waterproof  Rockports and T chose shorts and flip flops.  Riley goes au naturel and jumps in and out of the new lagoon looking for birds or sticks or anything to chase after... The surf was huge and threatening but we meandered on the minimal shore ( the sandy beach is only about 10-15 feet wide right now) for a couple days now.  We picked our way along and finally had to cross the newly raging Aptos creek at Hidden Beach or turn back.  T decided that he could handle traversing with me on his back... ai yi yi!!!  I hung on as we got to the middle of the creek (which had become a raging river) T sunk in the muddy riverbed as a huge wave crashed on us, the water swirled and uprooted and pushed my huge man down into the current with me trying to ride the raging bull... Riley was oblivious as T shouted "your phone!!!"  and I finally was able to scramble out of the water to climb the cliff... upon checking, my iPhone finally came back on.  PHEW!!!   It's been sitting in rice overnight.  I hope the ringer isn't cooked... and T and I survived laughing about our adventure all the way home to a warm shower...

I'll add photos later...  love you all and thanks for your patience!!!  I think we're back on track now!