Today is Wednesday, December 23rd

Phew!!!  What a year!  I'm very grateful to be here now... Amazing the changes and revelations of the last year... Saturday,  realized after refusing yet another invitation and looking deep within... the never ending questions... why not me and why Tracy?  Survivor guilt has plagued me.  Now I'll be more conscious.  T would be pissed at me... joy is needed now... no more of this... cause after all, at some point; they'll stop asking...

Went to the Santa Cruz Peace church last night and experienced the Messiah sing along.... wow!!!  Thank you my friends!

Riley is here with me as I listen to Barbara in the home my T designed and built and we made our own.  Taking responsibility and taking care of all those nagging details to preserve it.  Termites? Treated and gone... Lights?  Figured out and back on...  The hardest part of dealing with any home is figuring out what the problem is and then, figuring out what the fix is....Tracy could do it all - seamlessly, now I'm finally trusting myself to get it done with lots of help from the experts.

The one party I didn't miss - our Sereno Group annual party on the 11th:

Scene of the crime- San Jose

Overview

Vicki, Diana, me, Erin's son, Erin, Barbara Cole- COO Extraordinaire upon arrival

Joe Clark, Vick, Kim, Marilyn 

A good time was had by all..... Merry Christmas one and all!!!!

Today is Tuesday, December 8th

As we careen towards two of my most favorite holidays, I am grateful that I've survived and thrived this year.  Lots to be grateful for!  I'm here, breathing with my beloved Ry of 15 and almost 3 months.  I've counted on family and friends to guide and support me through this last 14 plus months since Tracy passed.  Spent a lot of time gazing at my navel but through all the tears and joy; I know in the deepest part of my soul that Tracy will always be in my heart.  I'm sooo lucky to have had him in my life and I will always cherish my memories.

This I know:   It wasn't a perfect union but we had a deep and abiding love that allowed us both to grow and prosper and become a force to be reckoned with.  We challenged ourselves and all those around us to be the best of ourselves.  I have become more compassionate and interestingly enough, less tolerant...  "don't sweat the small stuff" one of T's rejoinders...

2015 was a very tough year because the blinders and the numbness have worn off... he's really and truly gone.  2016 looms large and I'm going to embrace it and welcome the next transition.... whatever that entails....

We are what we believe !!!