I love Tracy. I have devoted myself to him and work for the last 7 months without a break... I'm functioning on 3-5 hours sleep a night... I've been hoping for some normalcy and relief, a break from doctors visits & Stanford .... Tracy, whether he'll admit it or not, wants some normalcy and a break in his routine... but the reality reinforces that it's tough enough to go through this for the two of us... and we're in it for better or worse together for as long as it takes to get him well. He has spiked a fever for 3 out of the last 5 nights running and he won't go to the emergency room no matter how high it gets and he insists that I care for him. He says "you know that all they'll do is give me Tylenol and fluids". Today, we're at Stanford since 11:15 AM and they've given him platelets for the second time this week and now he's getting the first of two bags of blood. We won't get home until 9 at this rate. No chemo today because he can't tolerate it.... I'm exhausted, scared and just plain weary... but I'm in it for the long run no matter what. He was looking forward to a week off but now who knows?
I'd like to curl up with a roaring fire & jazz, Tracy & Riley and a nice glass of red...hopefully, it's coming soon...frankly, it can't come soon enough...
Tracy wants me to write about the big things... politics, health care, gun control.. rather than about him... today, I just don't have the energy nor do I give a f__k... this is liberating and cathartic and hopefully, over soon...
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