Catching up Tuesday & Wednesday, December 7th & 8th

It's early and this roller coaster is unrelenting.  When I got to the hospital on Tues., I realized I didn't have much fight left.  We paged Dr. Reiss and I said "You've got lots of splainin' to do.  Less than 24 hours later and you're discharging him?"  He proceeded to reiterate all the things I know in my heart.  Tracy needs to be home, where he can heal.  The danger to his well being is too great in the hospital.. too many virulent bacteria even in his bubble.  He needs to rest and walk, eat well and push proteins.  So, I accepted the decision and took a break... I went shoe shopping, retail therapy.  When I returned, I ran into the social worker and repeated our story, with the addition that it was going to be 7:00PM by the time he was discharged and we had to return in the morning...Did that make sense?  Drive for an hour and a half home and then, repeat it on the return, when he's so ill?  Well, I lost that battle and it's a good thing.  Tracy came home and we're glad.  He needed to be in his place.  Just showering in the hospital is an ordeal.  We showered together after protecting his PICC line and went to sleep, cuddling with Riley, the happy hound dog.


Wed., another day at Stanford.  We saw Bruno.  He insists it's dietary indiscretion and explained that T has to be stronger in order to continue his treatment.  T is still in remission!  YAY!!!  We must get him back in fighting mode so, the second phase can begin. So, we continued on to my new listing so, I could complete my weekly report; a stop at Costco for staples (protein) and gas, CVS for his meds and finally,  at long lost... home.  Tracy was glad to be here.   A long day of sitting, not great for his swelling. We rested for awhile, argued a bit over stupid little things, ate dinner and after I entered all the listing data in the MLS, we went to bed.  We needed to regroup, talk about our fears and our accomplishments and "get on the positive train", T's phrase.

Thursday is a new day!!!

Catching up Monday & Tuesday, December 6th & 7th

OMG!! I've been on a roller coaster and it's making me ill... Yesterday, after threatening law suit to the Case Manager to keep Tracy in the hospital;  we had the Fellow paged.  He came in and I fired off "We need your help.  Tracy's white cell count is 1.1, so he's neutrapenic. He has the diarrhea under control only because he's still on lomotil not because anyone's figured out what's caused it.  He's short of breath; he's retaining so much water, he looks 9 months pregnant & his legs are 3x normal size & he still has pneumonia!!! He has tremendous pain walking and /or just bending over to put on his slippers.  So, please help us to understand why you've placed discharge orders for Tracy ?!!!  ARE YOU NUTS?!!!!"


I have to admit I got his attention.... He laughed and then, began to explain but I interrupted and said we don't understand... "are you putting him out to pasture? Have you given up?  I love this man and I'd love to have him home but not until he's well or at least able to manage on his own. I was admitted to law school and decided not to go.  I'm smart and able to figure things out BUT I'm not a doctor or a nurse.  I'm not a full time care giver.  I am a Realtor and I need to work.  It keeps me sane and keeps us afloat.  You just can't do this!!!"  Well we talked and he relented and thanked me for being Tracy's advocate.   I was totally exhausted.  I curled up in Tracy's arms and fell asleep.  Secure and feeling like we accomplished something.  I decided to drive home cause my body couldn't handle another night on the cot.  I stopped at my book club's Christmas gathering on the way home to gather hugs and enjoy a brief respite.  


I slept 10 hours straight last night and awoke to Tracy's slightly stronger voice explaining that he was being discharged today.  WTF?!!!!!   I'm on my way to Stanford... we'll see

Today is Sunday, December 5th

As I lie in my much too large bed and listen to the rain hitting the skylight;  I realize what it means to be home... to be truly comfortable and at ease in our space, surrounded by our things, replete with memories and cuddled by our Riley...  I know it's hard for T to be away but he is where he needs to be right now and Stanford needs to keep him this time... I will fight to keep him there until they figure this thing out.  He can't come home until he's better.  Blue Shield do you hear me?!!!  I'll start using everything and everyone I know to accomplish getting what T' needs.

When I arrived home yesterday, I stripped off my clothes, threw everything (T's boxers from the hospital and his pj's) into the washing machine and took a nap.  I kept the laundry going and tried to field some calls.  My wonderful neighbors have been taking care of Riley... walking him and keeping him company...  He even runs every Mon.  @7:30AM with Jogger Judy... thank you one and all!!  


Last night I had dinner with my wonderful friends/neighbors .. I had tried to back out cause I craved a bath and bed but I'm so glad that they prevailed.  They insisted that I could even walk across the street in my pajamas.... course I did wear my slippers...mmm dungeness crab, pasta with pesto sauce and salad... all my favorites and recounting wonderful memories and home in bed asleep very early...  I slept a whole night... uninterrupted cuddling with Riley.


Tracy sounds stronger this morning.  They gave him an appetite stimulant and he ate his dinner.  He says he only had a few hand cramps last night and they used heat packs to help. He's 120 kilos this morning... He's disgusted.  He's not losing any water weight or swelling yet... l want to prick him and let the water drain out.... but we know there's a more scientific way to deal with it... I just hope they do it soon!!!  I'll be heading over to see T later today after the niner game.... keep T in your prayers please....

Today is Saturday, December 4th

It's 5:00 AM,  21 years ago today, daddy passed away.  I remember it as a blessing at the time for him to transition but very hard for all of us to say good bye.  May he rest in peace with mom and Cenz.


Thursday night was very hard, neither one of us slept but a few hours.  Friday began early with T finally getting control over the diarrhea.  He ate breakfast and started drinking protein drinks and blue gatorade and he seems to be coming back.  He actually has some color.  T has pneumonia & his white cell count is 1.4.  He was told his bone marrow biopsy would be done @2:30 so, after a lite liquid lunch and some persuasion; we strolled to the atrium to hear "Vission Latina" a Cuban salsa 4 some, bongos, stand up bass, piano & flute... they were hot!!!   Two gals from the audience began dancing smooth salsa moves along with a hula hoop!  Turns out one is a Zumba instructor and the other teaches hula hoop...fantastic!!!  They made me want to get up and dance and actually got a few people to join them...

I've never seen a hula hoop used so sensuously....Tracy and I totally enjoyed it... that's what life is...music, dance and celebration!!

The dreaded bone marrow biopsy time was now and I left the scene, rather than faint.  I was too exhausted to leave so, dinner... Carla joined me in the cafeteria and soon after... we'd sleep.  Well, T has had spasms of pain, leg and hand cramps since late this afternoon.... biopsy?  electrolyte imbalance? who knows but we've been up half the night massaging away the cramps, applying heat packs.... I'm gonna have to go home to get some rest after doctor rounds this morning.... love and peace

Today is Thursday, December 2nd

It's hard to be in our home without T.  Riley & I keep banging around this big old house looking and listening for our man... he's everywhere and nowhere and our bed is just too damn big... I just keep missing my big old bear... so, I finally rallied & called him.  Dried my eyes and Riley and I made it downstairs.  I tended to the things I had to, called our wonderful tenants and told them I'd swing by for the rent.  Gassed up,  library,  dropped a bunch of stuff at the office, Watsonville for the rents, bank and coasted up to see my T man.


Tracy is huge BUT the word is he doesn't have MRSA, CDiff or any other nasty bug so far. They didn't aspirate the fluid from his lung today but he's had an EKG, an Echocardiogram and every other test known to man... He's on a potassium, sucrose IV and a Levaquin (antibiotic) IV.  The poor thing has been poked and prodded non-stop; but we're convinced they're gonna find the answer.  They're also talking about another bone marrow test.  The nurses were soo surprised and saddened to see him return but they're fighting over who gets to care for him...... I scrubbed his back and washed his feet and then, rubbed cream into his piggies... Meanwhile we listen to music as the day ebbs to a close. ...someday soon, he's coming home and then we'll forget all this...  

Today is Wednesday, December 1st

OK so, here we are again at Stanford... we're becoming hospital experts and so far, Stanford wins hands down!!!  


Tracy became ill before I came home last night (was he trying to tell me something?) just once but once is enough!  He ate dinner slowly and just rested for hours...still having to run for the throne every couple hours, even though he's taking lomitil.  He looked pretty ill last night and he looked really poorly this morning... enough so, that it brought me to tears... I can't stand seeing him so ill.  His stomach is so distended; he looks like he's 8 months pregnant.  He had a hard time putting on his socks, never mind his shoes...he wore his slippers er boats instead.  I don't think we can handle much more of this... and now relief.  Bruno agrees.  I was ready to plead.  T will be readmitted as soon as they can find him a bed.  T is so oxygen deprived, he's hypoxic (I just relocated the dictionary application to my dock with my T's guidance for easier use.  I wasn't quite sure of the spelling, until I looked it up; but old spelling bee champ had it right.. hee hee).  


T has had a hard day.  Each time he's walked (downstairs at home to the garage, from the car to the Cancer Center, from the clinic to the cafeteria) he's become progressively weaker.  I finally asked the angel masquerading as the Concierge for a wheel chair for my honey.  She was so sensitive and so caring and she knows where everything in the hospital or surroundings is... what a great gal!!  I'd like to get to know her...

So, here we sit in the Peterson lounge around the corner from his new room.  He'll be back where they will figure it out!  He's fighting something and no one has been able to figure it out so far.  Thank God, we trust that these learned souls will.  All the tests for those nasty bacteria turned out negative.   His white cell count is back down to 1.4 and that means he's neutrapenic again.... he has no immune resistence so, he's back to wearing his mask and he's breathing very heavily.  The only way to figure this out is to have him in a controlled environment where he will have care around the clock.  His life is in their hands and oh, what talented hands they are... keep your prayers and white light coming, please.  We both cherish all those shoulders that we lean on ..... I'm about talked out.  I'll be heading home in awhile....his room is ready for him...

Today is Tuesday, November 30th

I had every intention of going to my office meeting and then, I felt an overwhelming wave of exhaustion... I crawled back into bed and decided I needed rest more than a meeting.  Tracy was definitely out of sorts... he just can't seem to hold anything down and it's very discouraging for both of us.  

So, we both got up and I made some oatmeal and tea for the T man and coffee for me and I began to check email.  Lots of stuff going on...Janet & Mike's deal had been countered and I had to gather information for them so, they could make an intelligent counter offer.  I started the ball rolling and then, proceeded to get Tracy settled.  Then, off to the office to deal with the massive amount of paper in an intelligent fashion...or at least I hoped to...  The 1031 had closed & I had to make sure the file was complete and take care of the rest of my current clients.  So, multiple phone calls and hours later... I was burned to a crisp... home to my honey and the turkey soup I had rustled up the night before. T seemed to tolerate it for awhile but he was very weak and still running to the throne.  

I spent the evening putting together my Broker's Pricing Option (BPO) on my new Sunnyvale Bank Owned listing so, I could keep my commitment..  the only piece left is uploading the photos.   Shower and bed with T and blessed sleep for the weary....