Today is Monday, January 31st

Tracy slept most of the day, my poor baby needed the sleep.  Let's face it:  nobody gets any rest in the hospital.  His temp is normal.  His color is good, he's growing a goatee and a new mane!  He even has a sense of humor!

I spent the day working on trying to put together a deal for Stan and Tracy's ordeal.  He's now scheduled for a day at Stanford on Wed.   Managed to get 24 pages of Tracy's treatments faxed from Dominican this afternoon.  Now all I have to do is find the time and the patience to go through it.  I'm convinced we'll find the reason for his arrhythmia in there somewhere...  we'll see...

My S'vale condo closed today!!!  Yahoo!

Early night tonight... I've got my ankle iced since according to my chiropractor,  I strained my achilles tendon.  So much for 0-6.5 miles without any warm up... my jock days are over...

Today is Sunday, January 30th

HE'S BACK!!  TRACY IS HOME!!!   At around noon the powers that be made the decision to discharge my T.  It took awhile to actually let him go but we were heading for home soon enough.  We packed him up so quickly we left his iPod charger... headed for CVS to pick up more meds and that's when it got squirrelly.  They had to order one of the meds so, we took what had been prescribed and the pharmacist called us and questioned the fact that Tracy was taking two of these meds at the same time... they could cause arrhythmia  ... so was that what caused the arrhythmia?  T had been on them both while in the hospital...  I'm so distrustful at this point.  I want to know the sequence of each and every medication he was given while in the hospital.  He had one doctor for the first few days and then, no one seemed to be in charge...  and how interesting that the CVS pharmacist sounded the alarm today?  after Tracy had been in the hospital for 6 days and been given a never ending progression of drugs and dosages.  We're going to figure this one out and soon I hope.

It all makes me crazy with worry.  We shouldn't have to second guess the treatment he's given but how would something like this happen?  We've never had to worry about his heart before and now?

1. Call Dr. Alexander for the  treatment protocol while he was in the hospital.
2. Call Bruno re he's back & next steps.
3. Look up each and every drug & their interactions & contraindications.
4. Figure out whether the arrhythmia was drug induced.

All that and I showed Stan & Glenna 3 beautiful homes in Opal Cliff and West Cliff.  We'll see tomorrow...

Today is Saturday, January 29th

Tracy sounds stronger and more like himself... I had a sore throat today so, no visit to my honey.  I showed 6 homes to my clients, dinner with the Hall's and home...  I miss Tracy... we need him here at home with us... Riley cuddles with me but he misses his daddy terribly.... hopefully, very soon...

Friday, January 28th

My Bored Baby with his stack of monitors & 6 bags

Today I felt the weight of the week.  I hadn't been able to sleep last night and I found myself unable to keep my eyes open this morning.  Ended up crawling back into bed after  nodding off while I read the newspaper.  Tracy had called and said his heart was erratic again but it was now under control... I slept until about 5PM.  From CVS to spooning with Tracy for a couple hours and then, home to bed again....  

Tomorrow is another day.  Tracy hopes to come home and I'll be showing property to a client in the afternoon.  Hopefully, I'll feel like me again...and Tracy will be safe.

Thursday, January 27th

8:00 AM  I awoke to a phone call from Dominican and as I said, "Good Morning Honey"  the nurse said she had a call from Dr. Alexander.  Not fully awake, I listened as Michael proceeded to try to salve my fear and at the same time scare the hell out of me.  Tracy's heart was beating too fast and they were mobilizing and probably going to move him to the telemetry wing for more efficient monitoring.  Michael didn't want me to be unduly alarmed by this.  Oh no, not me...  I listened and tried to make sense as the hair on my neck stood straight up.  OMG!!!  What had we talked about last night... had I kissed him enough?  Had I teased him too much?  What if that were it?  NO NO NO

Vicki had called while Michael was giving me the update.  I needed to wake up.  Scared out of my wits.  I caved.  I turned on the coffee pot, drank a glass of juice and started to shake.  I tried to collect myself.  I needed to go to Tracy.  I called Linda and she said she'd drive me to the hospital.  I dressed, gathered up a bag and we left.  By the time we arrived, I collected myself... Linda kept telling me to breathe... Tracy was still in his original private room with the rapid response team.  T was on oxygen and his temperature was normal!!!!!!!  They had given him potassium and platelets and blood and God knows but his color was good, his temp was NORMAL and his heart was back to a regular beat.  T greeted me with " Guess I got your attention" and I said I needed to slap him around...  OMG!!!  With the new batteries I'd remembered for his speaker, he turned on his iPod and T was my T, sly smirk and all.

T in his private room with his stack of monitors

We discussed that it would be nice for him to remain in his private room but the doctors decided he needed to be in a constantly monitored room so finally they moved him.

Well, he's in great hands.  Dominican is known for being a great cardiac hospital so, I gathered up all his personal stuff as he was moved with tons of gauges to his new much smaller room in the telemetry wing and promptly got out of the way.  Much smaller room populated by lots of equipment and lots of professionals.... I needed to leave them to their business and decompress and breathe.  Vicki and Marilyn picked me up and we went off to tour properties on brokers tour...  what a treat to take me away and soon joined by Lorraine... the Fab Four prevailed... our friends are everything in this life... love and friendship make our trip worthwhile... I looked a fright with my hair cowlicks strutting their stuff and my UGG wannabes but no one cared as we viewed many properties and gradually I came back down to terra ferma... home to Riley and collapse...checked in with my honey and he was resting...all was well.. dare we hope that he can come home soon?   no nap but sweet rest until Linda called to say dinner was ready.  We are so blessed!!! Lots of wonderful remembrances of times past... home to another call to T and a bubble bath with Riley hovering...  I want my T and he'll be coming home soon...he's a fighter and he WILL BEAT THIS THING!!!

Wednesday, January 26th

It's Wed. about 6PM.  Tracy is still in the hospital and he's still running a temperature.  Last check was 102.3.  They're checking his temp every hour and we're applying cold compresses to his forehead and armpits.  He's had a brain MRI, catscan, chest x-ray, skin biopsy of his leg (the red spots reappeared on his legs that look similar to what he had when he contracted the virus 11 years ago)... you name it..he's had it.  They think he contracted an infection and I'm crazy with shoulda, coulda  regrets ...hindsight says T was entirely too casual after being battered by chemo... kissing, hugging is a part of my T but he probably pushed it too far.

Right now he's laying on the bed with all his covers off and he's talking back to the PBS news hour, while a cold wet facecloth graces his brow.  Me, I'm writing my blog cause I've been scolded that I didn't update it last night... sorry, I had all I could handle last night by listening to the President's State of Union, eating my lunch sandwich, stripping the bed, washing clothes and finally closing my eyes with the help of a sleep aide (after a largely sleepless night the night before). 

I'm worried that my poor hubby has been fighting something for going on 48 hours with no relief in sight.  Tracy keeps telling me to have patience... anyone who knows me, knows patience doesn't come easy to me.  I will try but I'm frustrated... before I came to the hospital today; I tried to synch T's iPod and all I managed to do was get a message "Do Not Disconnect" even when it recharged.  So, it's stuck and I'm gonna have to figure out how to clear it so, T can have his music.... not so easy for me, that's T's expertise...  Oh well... I also tried scanning some documents for the Boulder Creek duplex and couldn't get them emailed.  I finally gave up... once again, that's T's expertise... I'm lost without my honey and Riley is very sad too.

Dr. Alexander just returned my call.  He says they're doing everything they can and as the data comes in, they'll adjust.  He asked if we wanted to transport T to Stanford and we both said no.  He also said that this kind of reaction comes with the territory.  "chemo is some nasty stuff and has terrible consequences".  He explained the measured steps they've taken and at my request, said he would contact Bruno just to let him know what's going on.  I feel better that they're on this and he reassured me that he's working on it...deep breath...

So, please send white light to surround and heal Tracy and bring his temperature down.

I'm gonna sign off so, I can hand wipe my baby off... no shower tonight since he can't get the biopsy wet.  Every time you think of us, please send healing white light to surround Tracy.

Monday, January 24th

We started out slowly this morning... teasing each other and Riley...plotting how we could spend the day in bed.  In a moment, everything changed.  T was sick to his stomach & getting rid of it gave him no relief... he ached everywhere, legs and arms and even his head and then the sweats began and his temperature started rising so, I called Stanford.  The triage nurse, Barb, advised no Tylenol & that at 100.5 to go immediately to the emergency room at Dominican.  The concern was that after all the chemo, T couldn't fight worth a damn. As I hovered over my love, worried out of my mind, I took T's temperature every 20-30 min.  At one point I actually started shaking the digital thermometer.. when I realized what I was doing, T & I both giggled and T's comment was "are you sure you're not blond?"  Duh... digital thermometer, no mercury to shake down.... so, poking fun while monitoring T's temp thru out the day...coaxing T to drink a wee bit of broth... he seemed to plateau back to almost normal temp but he was sweating through everything over and over - 5-6 times.  Since he wouldn't eat, "everything smelled funny & I don't wanna" teasing & cajoling him just to drink,  an idea popped into my head (I'm Italian, I can't help myself.  Food is always the answer)... my annie banany bars...T can't resist them.  So as I headed downstairs to make them magically appear, T quipped "yah sure, abandoning me up here" and we both chuckled... 45 min. later I headed up with his favorite healthy treat and he nibbled a bit.... Then, early evening with nothing to fuel the fight, T's temp started to rise gradually.  Constantly coaxing him to sip gatorade, water, protein drinks anything to hydrate him, changing his shirt and pants... we both settled in.  T refused to go to the hospital so, I kept monitoring his temp every couple hours until my worst fears were realized.  About 12:15AM,  I was finally scribing this blog when T jumped out of bed and ran to empty his guts.  Terrible News! Terrible Temp  103.5  OMG!!!!    I rechecked with the ear thermometer ... 103.7 WTF!!!!  No fight left, he gave in ... At 1:00AM bundling him up we raced to the emergency room...  now as a true lapsed Catholic, my guilty conscience says I could have done more and double guessing myself;  I should have driven him to Stanford but faced with the fear of the wickedly spiked temp all I could think was HELP!!!

It took awhile to mobilize an effort... actually, it probably only took about a half hour to get their attention and get him into a room so, they could make sure that we weren't old drunks off our rockers or homeless and indigent; they pretty quickly recognized our dire straits.  I stupidly repeated what Barb, the Stanford nurse had said "no tylenol" so, it took some convincing to get some relief for my T.  The difference in this hospital is that I must remind people to close his door and I'm constantly watching to make sure they wash their hands as they enter. I feel like a sentry on guard duty.  Most don't understand neutrapenic or the implications of immune compromised.  After all the blood draws, the EKG, X-ray, my baby was exhausted.  The decision was made by the on call oncologist to admit T.  By now T was shivering, so I climbed into bed and we spooned, hoping my body warmth would warm him.  We fell into fitful sleep about 4:00 while they constantly monitored him, awaiting his rescue.  Around 6 AM they transported him up to a room.  I kept asking for things for him... water, blankets, help... finally an RN nurturer, Teresa, began taking care of him... Dr. Michael Alexander appeared and examined him and caught up with us, even sharing the highlights of Bobby Hutcherson's Kuumbwa show last evening...  what a different way to pass an evening... can't wait to go back there again...

T has been moved to a gorgeous private room where he's been given blood, 2 antibiotics, oxycotin for the pain, tylenol, anti-nauseal, potassium, platelets to come and God knows what else... his temp is still holding at 102.7- 103.  It's 11:55AM and I'm worried but I know they're doing all they can, altho' they only had one infusion of blood available.  I've asked them to try elsewhere, blood bank?  Red Cross?  Michael says it's OK to get the second blood transfusion tomorrow.  OK deep breath...

Poor Riley didn't know what was going on with his daddy but a phone call to Allan this morning and he's taken care of.  Thank God!!!   Lorraine will pick me up around 1:00.  I need to get some food in me and probably a bag for T... he's sweating again.... send some white light please?!!!