Today is Saturday, November 15th

Sometimes I'm totally taken aback at how volatile grief is ... was feeling so strong on Thurs.... I'd tackled so many more issues....Wed. evening the electrician had lauded T's wiring of the garage and the fact that everything was labeled so clearly and tied to a GFCI which was the only reason why all the lights in the front of the house had stopped working... it had tripped... reset button depressed and wa la lights!!!  that after Alan and Gary Reed had taken the panel off and checked the specific wires and we'd all just shaken our heads at why nothing worked....  so big thing done... motion detector nice and bright out in front, light post on...  lots of other little things taken care of all involving phone calls or notes...
Placate a client, see a couple houses on tour and then, the attorney.  Very capable and affordable- Cal Berkeley alumni left me feeling that we'd get those stinkers out of 105 eventually but I'd have some work to do.  I wrote up a couple more CAR forms and a note and mailed them on Fri.  Timing will be interesting... Wouldn't it be nice to get rid of them in a timely fashion?  and then, deal with the mess they've made of Tracy's handiwork.  Anyway,  lots of anger & frustration over that....but still feeling strong ..  then, I sat in bed and came up with a list of invitees for the memorial... 106 plus I hadn't even gotten in touch with Toni or Terri.  So, I panicked.  Tears and more tears...

my heart just isn't there yet.  I've been beating myself up.  I feel like I should be ready but I'm not.  I haven't even tackled the downstairs bedroom with T's packed stuff or his clothes in my closet... I wrapped myself in his robe last night... just not ready... I think.  I know other people have been able to do this more quickly and i'm disappointed with myself...  I'm having a mammogram today and physical next week and had my fasting blood test ( good results so far) which prompts all the ?'s about who is my emergency contact and what happens if I"m sick?  mostly poor me... cause Carla & I had this conversation last night but there it is...  thank you for understanding... I think T would be saying "there you go again-  everything all at once...  slow down and think it through before you jump"

So, my ya yas  who were at the ready,  conference calls, assignments for trying to pull off the impossible in under 2 weeks.... I thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!  You've given me pause yet again... We are family and we'll always be there for each other...

I've been thinking Spring time would be wonderful since we really could do something great on the beach and Jayne suggested perhaps something in conjunction with the Relay for Life - July 15th weekend?  I love that!!  a big informal party for our T so put your thinking caps on and we're open to suggestions...

Now I'm going to kick back and stop kicking myself...  Love you all!!!!