Today is Tuesday, December 30th, 2014

Johnny & Shar supported me through Christmas on Cape Cod.  Very cold the first few days but no snow.  Great to visit with Jay & Holly, Arwen & Ethan.  I am very thankful for my family on the first Christmas without T.  

I've been back for 3 days but totally consumed with getting my rentals squared away.  Lots of stories there... the tenants from Hell pulled a fast one yesterday but thank God I had consulted an attorney... he says they've done this before...  And then Tracy sent Reuben, the wonderful man who helped to build our home, to my door on Sat. night.   He's Tracy trained.  I never even thought of him; but so thankful that he chose to stop by and visit when he did.   He started the work on my trashed rental today.

Anyway, I hope to have a quiet day tomorrow.  Walk on the beach, see my grief counselor and check the progress on the rental.   Keep thinking about how I spent last year's holiday season and missing my T.  We were alone for both holidays cause T had just been discharged and was neutrapenic.... I've finally decided to start taking Wellbutrin - 75 mg. twice a day, however, yesterday & today, I only took the morning dose and the evening headache has disappeared.  I actually am able to handle what's required of me right now without retreating to my bed.  Just started it on Sat. and I already feel better.  I've been soooo sad.... 

I'm learning how to live without my T.  It's so hard to accept that he's never coming home... I'll never see his dimple when he grinned or feel his arms around me.... missing his physical presence; his ability to figure it out no matter what it was...the rock and the roll of him.... Riley misses him so, too... I can't fill the void but there's no choice involved.  He's still here in my heart and surrounding our home.  I've even finally decided to stay home tomorrow night.  Riley & I will be eating a fresh Dungeness crab, salad and enjoying a nice Petite Syrah and watching a couple movies.  Perhaps even watching the ball drop... didn't make it last year.... I feel it's the only way for me to acknowledge the loss of the love of my life and usher in the new year... hope yours is fabulous!!

Arwen & Ethan unwrapping their gifts

Johnny & Shar

Jay & Holly Christmas Day

Be safe!!!   Carpe diem!!!   Surrounding Di & Mike with love, peace and lots of white light...