Happy Mother's Day!!!

Today is Mother's Day 2012 and I sincerely hope that all you Moms are being feted and celebrated!!!

My Mom passed on May 26th, 1996 and we weren't ready to have her go... Are you ever really ready to lose your Mom?

I'll never forget that morning... We had been to Connecticut the previous weekend to spend good quality time with Mom and to search for a new retirement living home for her.  We had finally convinced Mom that it was time to let go of our family home.  She had survived a terribly lonely winter deluged by 11 snow storms... shut in by the snow, deprived of company... Mom had visited with us for 6 weeks between Nov. and Dec. ( thank God we planned our wedding around her visit) and then again in the new year but she was a social being and living alone in her Cape Cod home (with too many floors)  was taking its toll.

I called Mom every morning and we'd chat about all manner of things.  Funny how you become friends with your parents in later years... I adored her spunk and her ability to "just do it"... and a lot of other things about that wonderful loving soul... and so, I'd spoken with Mom early the day before about our plan to go diving in Carmel Bay on the Monterey coast that Sat., May 25th.  It was to be my first cold water dive in the Pacific and I was yah, apprehensive to say the least.  Wearing a rented wetsuit and jumping off a boat in 10' seas was a little unnerving...  Mom teased me about me being a daredevil... but I figured out that day that I'd prefer to be a warm water diver.  Anyway,  I called Mom early on the 26th par usual.  I remember telling her I loved her many times that morning.... I was compelled and didn't know why.   Do we ever know why we say or do some things?  I repeatedly said "Mom, I love you"  as I related the perilous dive trip and the fact that I survived... and my resolve that I probably preferred warm water diving from now on....  We spoke of what Mom was going to do that day... She'd decided that she needed a Sunday paper and some red grapes.  I asked her if she was going to go get some Chinese food (her favorite treat) and she said she hadn't decided.  I told her that I loved her again and said good bye.

Several hours later,  I was sitting at my desk facing Tracy at his desk when the phone rang.  So many things went through my head as I picked up the receiver.  Shar was calling.  We exchanged hellos and then, Shar said "Mom's gone."  I said "You're kidding" and she said, "No"... and I began to scream, NOOOOOOOO....  I kept thinking that if I hadn't picked up the phone...

I miss her every day...I had a hard time eating red grapes after that.   There are days where I wear her rings or like Fri. when I wore her beautiful flower pin...her jewelry brings her essence to me.  I feel her strength when I wear her things... she helped me through the last year...  I know she lives on in me and I only hope I do her justice...

Love you Mom and the memories....