Today is Sunday, July 19th

So very hard to believe that he's been gone 11 months... I don't know what to do with my feelings this evening... I miss him... I miss the twinkle in his eyes and that deep throated " hi baby" and the feeling of being loved and loving such a character...that drove me mad so many times and yet, I never would give up...we wouldn't give up on each other.  I look around our room and feel so lost yet so found...

Saw another survivor Thurs. who hugged me and told me that he &Trace had had a lot of fun together.  I'm glad of that and so happy that he made it but I wanted to scream and holler "why not Trace?"  Why wasn't he one of the lucky ones?!!!  They told us the odds were 50/50...just never believed he wouldn't beat the odds.  I don't want to dwell on the hardest last month... must keep remembering those wonderful moments we had prior to that or I'll go crazy.

Didn't think I could take a walk on the beach this morning and then, I looked into Riley's sad brown eyes and realized our spirits both needed it.... I'm learning and evolving and trying to just listen.... amazing how the absence of the constant need for attention to Tracy's needs has allowed me to slow down and truly listen.... not always sure I like what I'm hearing but at least I have the time...

Our Relay for Life - Race for Trace was truly a heartfelt tribute to T .... our family went all out and we raised ~ $6200 for cancer research to honor Tracy's fight.  Without research, T wouldn't have lasted past the 2 months projected upon his diagnosis.  So many tears and so much joy surrounded by those who loved our gentle giant....

Love, luck and white light streaming....   oh yah and rock on!!!