Today is Sunday, May 31st

Life has been absolutely crazy busy lately and then, the loss of Tracy intrudes and I'm back to sobbing .. 

Wed., after a very long day which started with acupuncture, then work, and then haircut and color, I went to sleep around 9:30PM. I slept until 7 o'clock in the morning. Wow!!!  That's something!!!  Before I awoke Tracy came to me.  As clear as if he was in the room, he said "Annie, you want everything all the time, all at once!" He always used to yell at me that I try to do way too much all at once. So, I realized my reticence to make plans for the memorial, tribute, celebration or whatever we were going to call it along with the Relay for Life.  I can't do both a celebration of life and the Relay for life well. I haven't put any effort into the Relay. Maybe the Relay is the focus and the celebration is later? I do know it's making me crazy.   So, I've decided to back off.  Tracy is with me on this...  The Relay is on track for July 11th.  More info to follow....

Life is amazing... faced with a listing I didn't think was a fit for me... I was set to follow through with the appointment when the Sellers made the best decision for them... so relieved I took Riley to the beach.  A half hour later,  dear clients called and said they needed me.  I'll be listing their gorgeous home in the Cambrian area of San Jose in the beginning of July.... A Great fit!!!

Another new listing or re-listing of a RDM beauty early in July too and I'm happily back to working with a new outlook on my career.  I'm glad to say I'm putting everything into perspective and hope all my obligations will be taken care of in the next year....

I'm renewing my bonds with my friends and slowly looking forward to some new explorations in my life...
Started singing with a Community Sing class in Capitola... a chance to breathe deep and let it out...

Soon I will get back to clay...  I really think I'd love it...

Oh how I miss his guiding words and touch but if I quiet down and listen really closely... he's there....

Today is Tuesday, May 19th

Today marks 9 months by date since T left our midst.

Grief is like a spiral staircase… up and down but I seem to grieve and then, force myself to get out of my head and aching heart.  I’m back to work and fortunately, now I have established boundaries… wish I’d had more of that when T was alive…  I’ve been extremely busy with work and trying to slowly… creep out to the things that may bring joy… last Sat. I went to a juried Clay show at Bargetto and then, on to a few open studios in SC with a couple of my art buddies.  I am slowly, very slowly creeping into my new life. The rest of the time I take refuge in work and Riley.  

Most folks, some friends think I should move on and I have… away from them.  I’m soo happy to hear when the merry widows begin to enjoy life with family and friends.  It gives me hope…  

I have a lot of paperwork to handle today… put my listing 254 Blue Ridge into contract and the Sellers are in contract on their new Corralitos home… Thank you God!!! and T, cause I think he’s pulling the strings.  Then, off to my grieving widows support group and tonight - a singing class.  Ahhhhh

Hang in there... I wish I could have said to T.......  that's my theme lately but I am letting him know what I would have said with more time...

Just finished "The First and Second Rule of Ten" book gifts from Carla and just loved them... gotta find the Third in the series... He's an ex Buddhist monk, now Private Detective and I'm learning from his ways of dealing with life...  and being in the present conscious of our bodies and thoughts...

OM......

 

Photo from yesteryear

Here's a photo a dear friend, Mary Jo Mauro Carter from Ct., just sent me... My family sometime late 70's, early 80's me thinks.  That's Cenz, Mom, me, Dad, Shar, Shawn, Johnny & Jay gathered around our dining room table.  Happy memories!!!

Today is Saturday, May 2nd

Ahhh life with a capital L.  I'm emerging and the ? is who am I?  I've become pretty busy which is amazing and good, interesting and causing me to truly look at how I'd like to play out the rest of my time on this earthly plane.  

I find I’m very tired and trying to balance work with some personal time in-between physical therapy for my knee, Riley's needs and exhaustion… ha!  mostly, I collapse and succumb to rest.  Time to build up my reserves again.

I started a singing class with one of my widow friends - Community Singing at Capitola Rec. 2 weeks ago.  At first I didn’t like it, but last week I turned the corner.  We sang a Donovan tune in rounds and then, Somewhere Over the Rainbow in the Iz mode - one of Tracy's favorites... found myself in tears and then, I sang with all the rest.  Expanding my chest and using my body to express my feelings...ahhhh

I am being taken out for dinner this evening by my very happy clients.  Closed 1920 Maciel Ave. Santa Cruz this week - after 2.5 years. It was a supreme test of all my senses and experience, but my very happy client is why I do this work.  

Open house on my listing in Boulder Creek tomorrow. Check out this tricked out home:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=liXfD53vRKc

Moving along slowly uncovering who I am...  such a journey and I truly believe that grief is a spiral staircase.  A song - a cut from Santana's "Supernatural" sent me into sobs a few days ago... T and I would dance to it whenever we heard it... or then, the view of the ocean or a memory will trigger a happy engulfing feeling for having known him....

One thing I know:  I'll never forget him or us....

Love to you all!!!