Today is Saturday, February 28th

I've been trying to figure out why the waves of grief have been so high lately... last week my senior spouse support group honored our lost loved ones.  I started looking through our albums - virtual on iPhoto and tactile actual albums for photos... I've been down for the count ever since... I'm missing that full of life man who shared himself and his life and his dreams with me... I look at the photos and the memories flood my soul... how do you go forward when you can't get past... at least now I'm remembering a lot more of the good times rather than just the crises of the last four years... something to be said for that.... it's raining and it seems like Tracy should be here reveling in it... he loved walking on the beach in the rain with our boy, Riley...

I've been talking to him...asking him for guidance... big ?'s...  our Riley has had lots of erratic behavior that I'd attributed to grief and I finally took him to a new vet for a check up and blood panel; then, when confronted with the prospects also consulted with Lea, our Godchild.  Finally, I asked T if I should subject Mr. R to an ultra sound and have a urine culture now that the blood panel suggests further inquiry... the vets say yes and T says "are you kidding me?"  so, here we go...  keep your fingers crossed... our boy is 14 yrs and 5 months old... I just don't want him to be in any pain or distress.... and I can't stand the thought of losing him too.

The rentals are finally ready to be put on the market.  A couple days and it's a go.... 2 new buyer referrals came in today... just when I thought it was time to let it all go... right now, I wish I could crawl into T's lap and drink in his strength... I hope he's having fun up there... it's time for both of us...

What to do when life feels so hard...keep walking forward ...feel the sun on our faces and the water lapping at our feet...